Memoire: Having Difficult Conversations
In
the past few months, either at work or personally, I have had some
necessary conversations. Being a gentleman means expressing how you
feel to those who matter to you. Sometimes these conversations are
positive, and sometimes they are not so easy because there are issues
that need to be discussed. It’s important to have both of these
conversations because it can strengthen your relationship with your
friends and loved ones. Especially when something is bothering you or
is wrong.
The first key to having a conversation like this is timing. Don’t wait too long to express what you feel, because if it happened too long ago, it’s almost certain they will bring that up in conversation. It also lets you not let things build up or fester. The only way keeping something for a while is if you are trying to see if it is a trend for the person or just an acute incident. Additionally, make sure you both have time to talk about things and not hold them over until another day unless they request that.
Second, discover how to best communicate this to the person. Make sure it’s in a private place so you both can express yourselves. Face to face is always the best because you can gauge the person’s reaction/response. If you are not able to, then via phone is the next best option. Make sure they can talk. There is nothing worse than having a phone conversation when they are not in a place where they can respond. That would be disrespectful. Rare, yet successful is via private message. Not recommended, yet gives you the opportunity to say what you need to say without interruption. Make sure you are available for a face-to-face or phone conversation shortly after you send the message. This also is a good way to communicate with someone who is upset at you already and/or may not want to talk to you directly. Additionally, is good for those who you feel will receive this message best this way. There are not many, yet people are out there who feel this is best. Never via public post or text message because that isn’t respectful.
Next, be to the point and specific. If you are, then you can focus on the specific incident or behaviors that are bothering you, and not fully on the person themselves. Being detailed helps narrow things and has more impact, instead of just being vague, which doesn’t help anyone.
Moreover, give them time to digest the information and respond without interruption. Most people aren’t really ready to hear that information, no matter if they know its coming or not. Since you care about them, give them that time to digest the information and respond. Do your best to keep the tone caring, but firm if you need to. Yelling doesn’t help anyone and makes things worse. Remember we all have funny things may or may not bother others. So be open to knowing that we may misunderstand something, so specifics can help discover that.
Last but not least, if they do get what you're saying, thank them and reassure them of your friendship. That is really critical to your relationship for it to grow. It shows support and patience on your part. Yet if the other person doesn’t get the message, but feels attacked, understand that if you said what you said the best way possible to remember that communication is 30% what is said and 70% how its taken. So don’t take it personally, as long as you don’t make it personal, and if you feel you want to continue that friendship/relationship, let them know you are there when they are ready. It’s possible they could be upset, or be upset at you, but time will help you discover that. If not, just be upfront with them and move on. Always remember that you may lose a few people for a while or permanently, but know that those who can see you care; you will develop a stronger relationship in the process. I have lost a few, which is okay because the ones that remain are so much stronger and more fulfilling.
Don’t Just Be Ordinary, Be KlassiQue.
The first key to having a conversation like this is timing. Don’t wait too long to express what you feel, because if it happened too long ago, it’s almost certain they will bring that up in conversation. It also lets you not let things build up or fester. The only way keeping something for a while is if you are trying to see if it is a trend for the person or just an acute incident. Additionally, make sure you both have time to talk about things and not hold them over until another day unless they request that.
Second, discover how to best communicate this to the person. Make sure it’s in a private place so you both can express yourselves. Face to face is always the best because you can gauge the person’s reaction/response. If you are not able to, then via phone is the next best option. Make sure they can talk. There is nothing worse than having a phone conversation when they are not in a place where they can respond. That would be disrespectful. Rare, yet successful is via private message. Not recommended, yet gives you the opportunity to say what you need to say without interruption. Make sure you are available for a face-to-face or phone conversation shortly after you send the message. This also is a good way to communicate with someone who is upset at you already and/or may not want to talk to you directly. Additionally, is good for those who you feel will receive this message best this way. There are not many, yet people are out there who feel this is best. Never via public post or text message because that isn’t respectful.
Next, be to the point and specific. If you are, then you can focus on the specific incident or behaviors that are bothering you, and not fully on the person themselves. Being detailed helps narrow things and has more impact, instead of just being vague, which doesn’t help anyone.
Moreover, give them time to digest the information and respond without interruption. Most people aren’t really ready to hear that information, no matter if they know its coming or not. Since you care about them, give them that time to digest the information and respond. Do your best to keep the tone caring, but firm if you need to. Yelling doesn’t help anyone and makes things worse. Remember we all have funny things may or may not bother others. So be open to knowing that we may misunderstand something, so specifics can help discover that.
Last but not least, if they do get what you're saying, thank them and reassure them of your friendship. That is really critical to your relationship for it to grow. It shows support and patience on your part. Yet if the other person doesn’t get the message, but feels attacked, understand that if you said what you said the best way possible to remember that communication is 30% what is said and 70% how its taken. So don’t take it personally, as long as you don’t make it personal, and if you feel you want to continue that friendship/relationship, let them know you are there when they are ready. It’s possible they could be upset, or be upset at you, but time will help you discover that. If not, just be upfront with them and move on. Always remember that you may lose a few people for a while or permanently, but know that those who can see you care; you will develop a stronger relationship in the process. I have lost a few, which is okay because the ones that remain are so much stronger and more fulfilling.
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