A Gentleman’s Way of Letting Her Go

 

Recently I was talking to one of my closest friends, and she asked me what’s the best way a gentlemen lets someone know that they are currently dating or seeing, that they are not interested in the person anymore. Great question.  This comes up more often than not, especially if they were never really “exclusive”.  Here is a great way to handle the situation.

Be honest with yourself:  This is the hardest part, is looking at yourself and saying that there may be nothing wrong with you or her/him, there is just no chemistry.  There may be also some things that you cannot get past or settle to endure.  Once you decide that you need to tell her, do it as quickly as possible, to respect her and not string her along.

See her in person: If you respect anyone, you deliver news, especially news that they probably not want to hear, in person.  That is one of the most lost respects in modern society.  To do so via text, email, Facebook, Twitter, need I go on, is disrespectful.  Just stop calling them is just as bad too.  You have spent so much time with them, and they are genuinely interested in you, so you should talk to them in person, at the least.  If it cannot wait, or there is distance, then via phone.  Important note: if it happens to be her birthday within the week, then wait until after.  No need to spoil their birthday with the news.  Get a nice present, nothing over the top and then the following week sit with her and tell her.  

The place: I would recommend a coffee shop or having lunch at a casual restaurant.  This is a neutral place and can be a more conformable because you have people around if you don’t feel like talking in private.  Reserve dinner for more positive news, announcements and events.  The bed isn’t a good place either.  Also steer away from a place that you both frequent or that you met, it will change the memory of the place for both of you.  Make sure you pay for the meal or coffee, its just the right thing to do.  Some would say that its much easier for them to cause a scene, yet if they would, you should know them well enough to say they would do that.  So then select a neighborhood park nearby. 

Be honest with her: Don’t lie or beat around the bush, and get to the point quickly, but don’t be brutally honest.  Also don’t use clichés such as: its not you its me.  Be respectful and say what you need to say, while being calm.  This is what it could sound like:

- “I really like you as a friend and want that to continue between us because I enjoy hanging out with you.  I like how we laugh about fashion and can talk about “How I met your mother” together.  Yet I don’t see us having a romantic relationship.  I just see you as a really good friend.  I don’t want that to hinder us from continuing our friendship, because its important to me.”

Listen to her response and wait:  After something like that, she may be in shock or dismay, so listen to her, and answer all the relevant questions she has.  Relevant meaning non trapping or sparking an argument.  If there is someone else, be honest, but if there isn’t, then say so right away.  This is really important for you to say earlier than later.  Then give her some space.  She it may take some time for her to hang out with you again, if at all, but if and when you do, be as natural as possible and don’t put yourself in positions to fall back into the same trap.